A Redneck Christmas
(A redneck family, a brother and sister (married of course) and their illegitimate son)*********
Although it may be a bit early, I decided to start working on what every redneck in Michigan would be wanting. I have spent a great deal of time learning from these simple creatures, learning their language and their culture. I am led to believe that their Christmas would go like this. Here it goes...
Christmas Dinner:
Main Course: Seagall (O' wha'eva bird we's see at the time) Alsa dontcha mind the fresh bullet holes in 'er. How'eva if we cant' find no birds, wa'll just mack up some pasty's. Mmmmm pasty's.
(Side Note: Ma' wife (sista) makes the best pasty's (Our famla' tree has no forks.)
Other Meat: Wha'eva we can hit on the high'wa
Sides: Tators o' wha'eva thems plants are called that wa digs up fram the ground.
Desert: Desert! I neva heard o' such a thing.
Beverage: Beer and Vernors, gotta get drunk enoug' to liven' up the holidays.
Christmas List:
12 pack o' vernors
A bar o' soap (Mayba', it's not tha' big o' a waste o' muney)
Shotgun shells
Flannel shirts
A goo' pair o' boots
12 beer cans (for a variety o' thangs such as, wind chimes, measuring sticks, burgler alarm, and mayba countin' stuff)
Anythina' NASCAR
A big ol' axe, for choppin' stuff
An ol' car (Alsa for a variety of thangs such as a blind, a house, a bathroom, or mayba' jus' mayba, I'll drive 'er.)
A girlfrien' (Just have a'nother baby.)
Huntin' dog
*********
REDNECK DIALOUGE STOPS HERE
Now this is just the tip of the iceberg, but if you're a redneck, or know one, these are all great gifts for them. And remember, these are gifts that every rednecks will LOVE. So buy, buy, buy.
Happy Holidays
(But mainly Merry Christmas because well, most people celebrate this anyways. Not celebrating Cristmas? That sucks. Jewish? Pshh a candle burning for eight days is no miracle, that's just a good candle.) Sorry about that if your Jewish, I got a little carried away.
posted by Achilles at 10:15 PM
Update:
Muhuhahahah The power!!
I just rejected my first post. It's a strange feeling. But, Jedith, first of all what are you talking about with "christman" thing. Second of all I don't think there is anything wrong with NASCAR or hunting dogs nor hunting. Thirdly, I wasn't trying to copy your thanksgiving post, I merely had Thanksgiving with my cousins (major rednecks) and we were talking about xmas. The hair, yes, may be 80's, but you get the idea (I hope). Besides if you search redneck, you don't get the best results. Finally, I did say happy holidays, but if you don't celebrate xmas, don't read on after that.
Yo dog! tha is wack! wha tha hell yous be quitting when the goin got guh'? Guh.....Gooh....Gut.....aw fogi' that. Man, i thot yous wuz sumthin. but you iznt shiznit. yo blog wuz the flizzih an i woula post in here if you di'nt hav to go criyin. You inconsiderate, despicable, little pissant.